Thursday, 5 September 2013

UPCOMING! Legendary Pink Dots at Petit Campus

UPCOMING! Legendary Pink Dots at Petit Campus  |  Wednesday September 25th

Looking at the names bands give themselves is always a damn fun time. Certain bands choose to announce a little bit about themselves through their name (NOFX, Outkast, We Are Wolves), others go for that somewhat poetic label (Arcade Fire, The Comedy, The Lovely Feathers), while others opt for soberness (Cake, the XX, the Beards). Some, regardless of how good the music they make is, call themselves stupid things (Vampire Weekend, Cancer Bats). My favourites are the ones who choose tongue-in-cheekness to brand themselves. Take the Legendary Pink Dots, for instance. Just by laying eyes on those three words, you can kind of figure out that these guys must be fun to hang out with. “Their name is funny, but it does not mean they are,” you might think.

Well, think again.

That 33-year-old experimental rock band formed in London and based in Amsterdam fits its gleeful name just fine. Allow to demonstrate just how much by using their very own official bio as an argument:

We, the Legendary Pink Dots feel it is our duty to inform an unwary public that the new number of the Beast is 834. In fact we, the Legendary Pink Dots were instrumental in this turn of events. Let us explain...

The change occurred on a rainy morning in August when the Legendary Pink Dots, Lisa and friends of the Prozhtet Militat were holding a party to celebrate the completion of AsYlum - a cage into which they could retreat from worldly matters.

Naturally, the party finished with the traditional burning of Oogchuu, the fire baby. (We must point out that the burning of Oogchuu is not an act of cruelty. Oogchuu's purpose in the order of things is to be burned, and he never protests when Poison Barbarella strikes the first match.)

However, things did not go as planned. Oogchuu sneezed at an inappropriate moment... the resulting ball of fire incinerated the curtains. The Legendary Pink Dots, Lisa, and the friends of the Prozhtet Militat found themselves in the midst of an inferno!

Happily the quick-thinking Silver Man had the foresight to dial 999 before the telephone melted. But it was not the fire brigade who appeared at our flaming portal seconds later. It was the Beast... standing on his head! Angry! Cursing!

We tried to reason with Him, but it was useless. The terrible one was hell-bent on revenge.

With one sweep of his left hand, the Beast turned the world upside down. Only we, the Legendary Pink Dots, Lisa and the friends of the Prozhtet Militat stayed rooted to the spot as our fellow mortals flew off the earth as if it was an upturned jug.

Then Stret Majest Alarme had a brilliant idea.

"Hey Terrible One", he volunteered, "Why don't you choose a number more in keeping with your dark and terrible methods? After all, 666 reminds me of three little ducks swimming across a pond..."

The Beast was scowling. "Ducks?!" He scowled, but Stret bravely continued. "How about 888? Twist that on it's side and you have infinity - multiplied by three! Yowza!"

A perverse smile spread across the Terrible One's face. He liked the idea.

"I like the idea," he cackled, "but it does not let you off the hook... how can I devise a fitting eternal punishment for you who caused me all this inconvenience?"

It was Patrick Paganini Q. who reluctantly provided the answer. "We shall make our music for you alone, Terrible One. We shall create... an Infinity Waltz!"

And so it goes. The number is 8, the time is 3/4. Endlessly. 8-3-4, 8-3-4, 8-3-4. Endlessly.

Will you spare a tear for us as we bid you farewell?

Convinced? If you wish to see these strange veterans in action, Petit Campus is the place to be on September 25th.
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